Five and ⅓ Things About Adults That Make Me Mad

I haven’t posted here in a while, so you’ll have to forgive this post. Consider it a warm up for a real post, that I will do. Someday.

You know, I used to wonder why people were always so pissy and why last year when I asked my Mom to play Hungry, Hungry Hippos with me, she threw sulfuric acid in my face. However, after becoming an adult last month (I assume that’s what it meant when I started bleeding down there) I had an epiphany.

We grown-ups are all sour-pusses because we have to deal with other grown-ups.

For the most part, grown-ups tend to be pretty tolerable. Some are pretty fun. I have to be honest, I enjoy hanging out with grown-ups far more than I do with kids. I enjoy doing other things with adults more than I do with kids as well, if you know what I mean (wink, wink… (I obviously mean shooting hoops. I can’t get laid by adults or kids or giraffes for that matter…))

However adults do some pretty got-danged stupid things, and for the life of me, I cannot understand why. And this doesn’t just perplex me. It down right pisses me off. And that’s number one.


Why do I get so upset over the stupidity of others? As a kid, I didn’t care. Go ahead, drive 110, in the rain, on your motorcycle, with no helmet on you, your wife, or your rottweiler. I’m six. I could give six fucks. But now I would be on 911, telling them that he was firing two guns into the air, yelling about how much he loved Obamacare, just to get the police to respond faster. I, myself, would travel at 120 to try and get his license plate, as I would be that incensed at his behavior.

What rational explanation is there for this?

Perhaps it’s because now I know, as an adult, the actual consequences of one adult’s reckless actions can have on other, innocent people. Whether they be a jackass driving 80 while eating a lobster, some noodle-head blowing up his apartment complex because he dropped his shake-and-bake meth, or pretty much every elected official; every one of them, via their stupidity, is trying to KILL ME. And it makes me angry.

On the same note;


Headlights aren’t really a complex instrument. You flip a switch and like on the first day of the Earth; light is created.

Working overnights – both here and when I did it in Las Vegas – I am perplexed by the number of people who drive around without their headlights on. Some people will drive around with their parking lights on; like somehow that is an adequate compromise.

Honestly, how the living hell do you not know your headlights are not on? Even with the streetlights on, unless you are sleeping, you can tell that there is no light from the front of your vehicle hitting the road pavement that is directly in front of you.

As well, why in the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster would you not turn your headlights on in the rain? I know not all states have a law that requires you to, but it’s just the proper thing to do! Even if it doesn’t help your visibility that much, it helps other in seeing you, which helps people not to crash in to you!

I personally think all people who fail to activate their headlights in inclement weather are dicks. The thought of all those dicks out there makes me very angry, and a little confused; something I’d rather not discuss right now.

Though speaking of dicks…


On a message board which I shall not name, I often throw myself into political debates. It’s fun; I like to argue, I like to fact check – I think researching other people’s claims makes me a bit smarter about the world because I often end up reading two or three different sources so I can be all citationey. It’s a sick hobby.

Yet there always those people whom, despite all of the evidence to the contrary, have to be right. It’s not always about politics; it can be about sports, but it’s usually politics.

Even if you prove them wrong, they will never concede defeat, since in their mind, if they don’t admit they were wrong, then they weren’t.

Example exchange:

Them: Obama wasn’t at the White House today.
Me: Here are 17 articles, 23 pictures and 9 videos showing him at the White House today; all of them showing him reading a newspaper talking about (event of the day).
Them: Still no response to Bengazi, though.
Me: …


So… Let me get this straight.

If my fatass paints myself in crimson and white, goes to Norman, gets drunk off my ass and makes a fool out of myself with a bunch of other drunks while cheering on a bunch of unpaid college kids, playing for a title that isn’t even really decided by how well they play, I’m normal; yet if I were to dress my fatass up in wolfskin and go to the Illinois River to reenact season three of Game of Thrones, I’m a fuckin’ weirdo?

I think I’d be a weirdo for both scenarios…

I once had someone look at me like I was insane when I told them I enjoyed MLP. They then told me they were obsessed with ‘The Walking Dead’.

WHY IS YOUR ZOMBIE SHOW SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE AND MY CARTOON ISN’T? Who the hell made you some kind of judge on what is acceptable for an ‘adult’ to be interested in? I have no criminal record, I’m not a sex offender, I have been steadily employed for the past 20 years. I am pretty sure that my ‘non-acceptable for an adult’ hobbies are A-Okay.

You should be happy I have them. Otherwise I’d be forced to get off my ass and do something productive with my life. Then you’d be sorry.


If you’re even close to my age, you surely remember a time when the only way you found out what was happening outside of your hometown was when Tom Brokaw told you (or you read about it in the morning paper – fuck I am even old enough to remember an evening paper……..). Now, with the dreaded 24-hour news cycle and the internet, we know everything, from everywhere, all the time.

I fucking hate it.

I have never been so depressed before in my life; and let me tell you, growing up as a fat kid and being tormented by everyone, including my sweet, sweet racist grandmother, I was quite the depressed child. Now, though, you can’t go five minutes without hearing about children being blown up in Iraq, or children being gunned down in Chicago, or children being raped on the east coast, or a hot teacher being arrested in Florida, or Kim fucking Kardashian.

The worst thing is, I’m addicted to it. It’s like a meth-heroin-cocaine cocktail. A couple of months ago I was without the internet for about six hours and I felt like I was going to die.  Not just because I couldn’t masturbate, but because I had no clue what was going on outside of my apartment. I get so angry at myself every day because the first thing I do after waking up, taking ecstasy and masturbating, is check Facebook. I never wanted to be that kind of person. Facebook gets me so angry too because anymore it’s nothing but political posts; even from the people whom I thought were apolitical.

So the worst thing in the world has happened.

I’ve grown to hate myself.


I like to think that I am good person, and that somewhere underneath this cynical, nihilistic shell I have developed, that he’s still in there. He’s buried deep though. Life has been tough, but what’s been more tough is other people’s lives; some of whom I have chronicled.

It goes back to knowing everything. While (obviously) this post is very much tongue in cheek, what isn’t is the utter sense of despair I tend to feel for our society anymore. I’m not talking silly shit either like Obamacare or the debt ceiling. I’m talking about serious stuff; the seeming lack of value that anyone places on anyone else’s life. A recent article I shared on my Facebook page talked about a kid who bullied another kid so badly that she killed herself. Her response?

“Yes ik(sic) I bullied REBECCA nd(sic) she killed her self  but IDGAF <3”

IDGAF for the non-text speakers among us means ‘I don’t give a fuck’. And yes, that’s a little heart at the end. This kid is 14.

These kids will be the adults that drive with no headlights soon.

At the end of the day, I know there is nothing I can do to change the world, and probably nothing I can do to stop the never ending flow of depressing information from flowing into my head.

On the bright side, however, there are kitty GIFs, which is the main reason I cannot totally disconnect myself from the internet.

Kitty GIFs and pr0n, obviously.

I just read that last line. Good Lord I need a girlfriend ASAP.

Being single pisses me off…

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