We continue to edge ever closer to the end of all things, and in keeping with my life of procrastination, I have waited to nearly the end of Monday to post the Monday post of my Countdown to the Mayapocolypse series.
Today was an interesting day. I slept in a bit, so I didn’t get a whole lot done, as I had work. You’d think, considering the world was going to end on Friday, that I’d just quit my job, telling those people to shove my career where the sun doesn’t shine (except for those couple of days out of the year – my neighbors know what I mean). Though, I didn’t. Goes to show you how much I value and respect my workplace.
That and we have to have the best looking producers in the market. There’s really not a reason to spend my last few days alive going in there and creeping the bejebus out of them.
Anyway, with my Twitter confessions out-of-the-way, I decided that I would dig into the darker side of my bucket list. You see, I’ve always kind of been a mischievous spirit of sorts. Not really destructive, per say, but pretty damned annoying. I made my Communications and Media teacher swear at me on more than one occasion if I recall correctly.
So this morning I hit the road. My first stop was Glenpool, just southwest of where I live. I bust down the door to the Mayor’s office and demanded to know where Glen’s pool was.
It’s apparently at 148th Street and Birch.
Also, Glenpool PD doesn’t seem to appreciate people kicking down the door to the Mayor’s office.
None the less, it was simply a minor pursuit before they decided I wasn’t worth the trouble and I was on my way to my next destination. I had placed a Craig’s List ad looking for someone who had never heard a Ke$ha song before. I found a very nice young woman named Becky Ursa. I had her listen to Ke$ha’s Animal CD.
It was a funny sight.
I’m a little distressed hearing that she was found trying to hang herself in her living room tonight though. I am certain, however, that both the district attorney and a civil trial jury will find that it’s Ke$ha’s fault, not mine.
Once again I found myself being chased by a police department that apparently has too much time on their hands when I went to a local graveyard with both a shotgun and a surface to air missile launcher and informed people I was on ‘zombie patrol’.
After another short pursuit, I made several left turns while using my right turn signal. Trololololol.
I then ran, naked, through the Tulsa VFW, screaming “REPEAL THE TWENTY-SECOND AMENDMENT! OBAMA 2016!!!!!!!!!”
There were a lot of EMSA there afterwords. Not sure if related.
Got on a bus and told the driver that I was hijacking him and that I wanted to go to Cuba. Again, the police – who really need better things to do – responded.
On a side note, it’s convenient there is a bail bondsman right across the street from the jail.
I ran home quickly as I needed to do a couple of things in Star Trek Online. While there, I decided to knock trolling them off my bucket list. I went to where I knew the most die-hard Trekkies would be and asked “Which sector can I find Tatooine?”
My account is now banned.
My last bit of ‘playfulness’ before work was to find several landscaping company’s trucks and change the word ‘landscaping’ to ‘manscaping’. I am certain their business will pick up.
After work, I was tired, but there were still a couple of things I wanted to do today. Still a few more people to annoy. And I was hungry, so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone.
My first task was to head to Burger King. Once there, I demanded a Big Mac. After being denied the Big Mac, I started to get belligerant until the police were threatened. Knowing full well TPD has nothing else to do but to harass me, I sped off. I quickly ran to Wendy’s, where of course I ordered a Whopper. The lady at Wendy’s was more kind, asking me if I wanted a Baconator instead, to which I almost complied, but instead I told her the end was near and sped away.
Finally I arrived at McDonald’s, where I asked for five Whataburgers. The person at McDonald’s asked me if I wanted fries with that. I was unsure what to do at that point, other than simply change my order to the McRib.
Once I was done there, I decided to go and troll QuikTrip. I love QT, so I knew this would be tough for me. I calmly parked, then went inside. The clerk was one I see there pretty often, so already I was having regrets. But at the same time I knew that after Thursday, it wouldn’t matter anymore. The world would be over and both he and I would be no more.
“I need $4.62 in gas please,” I said to him.
Being the professional he was, he sold me the $4.62, without question. That is why, if there is a heaven, it will be a QuikTrip.
Got a lot done today. Lot of court dates racked up, but lucky for me, they’re all beyond 12-21-2012. Chumps.